Okay I cant stop crying, I cant deal with anything anymore and its dumb. My dad is being stupid and everythings about him and how he cant do stuff which is a lie. Whatever, I seriously just want to get up and move away. I dont even care where anymore. I dont want to go to school, and I dont want to work at Future Shop. I dont even know what makes me happy anymore because so many people have comments on my life and insted of ignoring them I listen and talk myself out of doing stuff that I want too do. I seriously just want to do something mind you I cant even come up with what I want to do.
Everyone who supports me, only supports me when they want to on stuff that they want me too do. Im fed up with it. Im tired of not fitting in, in my own house a place I should be able to be me no matter what I decide me is. I love my family but I am soo stressed out I cant deal with them.
I hate that my dad treats me like Im twelve and lets my step mom treat me like shit and that I shouldnt be there. I hate that my mom left me here and mved so fucking far away and cant afford to even come see me or for me to go see her. I hate how my grandmother gossips about me. I hate how everyone thinks Im stupid and dont know right from wrong.
I hate not feeling secure with relationships. I hate how I suspect the worse no matter what. I hate that I have been hurt so many times and so I always think someone is doing something wrong. I hate not trusting people. And how I try to deny my feelings for any one or anything. Im fed up with myself. I hate that I have no one to tell these things too
I hate how I cant stand up for myself, and how no matter what people always push me around. Why cant I be like I was in like grade 10 I was so confident and okay with everything and you try to push me down and I'd flip a lid. Seriously I hate how I know what I want to do with my life, yet I am doing something else because thats what my family wants. I hate not wanting to move away because I feel bad for my dad. I really have to just pack up and leave I think.
On top of all this I had a really shitty day at work. Next week I have 12 hours and some guy tried robbing everyones stuff from the back. And aactually did steal some stuff
ill blog hopefully soon
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