bahh hum bug.

Okay so the current downlow of my life is that is lacks time. I have no time to really do anything I dont even have time to do homework and thats all i ever do lol. I cant decide whether or not to stop sleeping.. or to fail class? lol great options I know. Other then that I went to see twilight it was amazing amazing amazing!! And I saw hsm on ice last night which was pretty cool, but troy was definetly not a zac efron looking hottie. lol Downside to all this christmas is here im done my shopping, but i hate christmas. Family drama, money issues, and stress, oh and dont forget possibilities of weight gain. Gotta love the holidays right? This year will be the first year that xmas is different my dads brother (my uncle) is not comming to xmas for the first time EVER. So my grandma is emotional, my dad and him are argueing and it leaves me stuck in the middle of something that should not be a problem in the first place. Good part of xmas the bf is spending it with me :)

No one in the club has sawgger like us <3

What to say? What to say?
I have so much homework right now its not even funny and so I am taking a break to write in zee blog. lol I currently am in classes called HR Management, Organizational Behaviour and Accounting and I have massive projects in all of them and on top of that I have to do nightly homework. YAY ME!! NOT. lol tonight Jo an I are hitting the clubs, so people you better be looking out for us ;) Then we are also going to go shopping today and she is sleeping over. Total girls night out!! Im so stoked because I dont get to see her that often making tonight very very exciting. Anywho I should probably get back to work

P.S. Gas under a dollar? HELL YAH

xoxo Erica

2 months & 12 days later

So yah I noticed I dont blog anymore. Dont really have the time.. but then again I dont really have the time to do anything, and of course everything and anything I want to do can no longer be spontaneous... it must be planned out. Man school just takes the fun outta everything now doesnt it? lol Okay so where to start. We will start way back when at the end of august and begining of september. I house sat a lot for alyssa and craig, which was fun because it was like living by myself without having parents around. Awesome! I know lol. And september 4th, Joanna and I went to Backstreet Boys & Girlicious which was so totally awesome. We did not have floor seats or anything else amazing.. but we could see everything and ended up getting a little tipsy any ways and dancing everywhere so we honestly didnt care.

School - I started school way back when on September 8th and a lot of my classmates were intimidated for sure. I on the other hand was not, I fully enjoyed beinging in class, and I love everything Im learning Im definetly a lucky one. The down side is literally minimum 3 hours of homework on school nights which is monday to wednesday for 9 hours a day. And on a bad day I could have up to 8 but Im pretty fast and usually get it done in 6. We get massive homework assignments that the last one took me over 68 hours to finish obviously not in a row. But all in all Im learning lots.

Life - I GOT MY LISCENCE OCTOBER 24TH!! AND I TURNED 19 ON OCTOBER 27!! So I can legally drink and drive just not together.. I know!! lol Joanna, Alyssa, Kaity and I all went to Citrus for my birthday and we had so much fun it was ridiculous and so many cute pics too! I love that I can just get in my car in go, such freedom. OMG ALMOST FORGOT.. I MOVED BACK TO CLOVERDALE. I live here pretty much by myself and can do whatever I want whenever I want.. well if school didnt interfere with that lol. I need to organize times better, and set realistic goals and if I accomplish them reward myself with spending the day with friends, or even my boyfriend because oother wise I wont have time and I will fall behind in school.

Boyfriend - Still dating after 9 months which is a good sign. lol and we got in are first massive crazy yelling fight ever. But we worked it out and everything is all good, and in a few days it will be a year sense I've known him. I know im wierd but its cute and you know it.

Family - My dad and I have been getting along a lot better sense I dont live at home anymore which is good I guess. I miss Jennie like crazy I almost want to cry everytime I here myself say her name or even think about her shes my best friend right? How can I not miss her.

Thats life for now, nothing to crazy just lack of time for anything else besides school. But hey its one hard year for a lifetime filled with oppurtunities. I know its cheesy but its what gets me through the day. :)


P.S. I will try and blog more then once every two months lol.

BAHHHHHHHHH

I HATE MY LIFE.
well that was my over dramatic point of this blog.


I hate the fact that my whole family is fucking pyshco. My stepsister is moving in fulltime and that means I share a room 24/7 YAY ME! NOT And on top of all that everyone is thinking this is the best thing for her. I dont think it is and its definetly not the right thing for this family. I also HATE the fact that my grandma is all old school on me and preeches to me like every 5 seconds about stuff that she doesnt even know anything.

Life.

Do you ever feel like life is moving so fast that if you blink you just missed a year? And have you ever felt trapped or because someone else didnt believe in something you wanted that you just gave it up? Well I think thats what I have been doing and I cant let people get in my way. If my family doesnt like it they will get over it once they realize the choices I make are good ones. And if my friends or boyfriend are not supportive then maybe its time to find new ones. Im young, I dont want to be settled into a job, a house, kids, marriage or anything along those lines for a few years, but I feel like those years are rushing at me so its intimidating theres so much I want to do. I want to live all over the place.. I think my top two places are California & Quebec it doesnt have to be for 10 years but maybe 3 to 6 months in both places. And I know that I dont need to go with anyone else I will make new friends, and I will have an amazing life experience. Its just a random thought that I needed to write out..

Jealous.

Every girl who reads this stop and think about your mom for one moment. Do you hate her guts? Do you wish she would stop trying to meddal in your life? Does going on a shopping day or a brunch date or even just small chitchat over dinner feel like a chore to do? Well think about if she wasnt there.. think about what it would be like to have that pulled from right under you and you just left with phone calls, then they will die down , then emails and they will eventually stop, and then your left wishing you could have been a better daughter or took more time to do those things. ITS NOT TOO LATE. You may think you hate your mom but trust me if she was gone you'd want to go back to hating her..

Its been over 3 years sense I have seen my mom, and when I saw moms taking there girls back to school shopping today I immediatly left the mall in tears. I wish I could have that with my mom, I wish I could have chit chats and get into all sorts of trouble and fights with her. What kills me the most is too think that I have all these feelings and I dont know if she feels the same shes missed so much of my life.. that I dont even know if shes interested in me anymore. Its a depressing thought so all you lucky girls with moms just give her a call maybe spend the day at the mall and remember your love and trust for her will over power that so called hate.

The 411

So I havent blogged latley and I figured I'd fill you all in. I just had my 6 months with the boyfriend which was very romantic and sweet. He planned a horse drawn carriage in stanley park and then dinner at the revolving restaurant it was soo sweet. We are definetly happy together still so thats good and it seems like he always just knows how to make me feel better.

The friends, Im currently stuck in between a 3way cat fight which is oh so fun but definetly a lot of drama and I do not like it but hopefully they can work that one out. Other then that Im missing a few people but I guess thats more motivation to go get my liscence.

My parents went away this weekend it was kinda boring wasnt aloud anyone over but I had someone over anyways lol but only because i got scared, last year the same thing happened and guess what it did again this year to there was someone walking around the back yard being all creepy so ovs that was fun and guess what I got in shit and was told I ruined there vacation and that they wont be aloud to go away anymore because of me which is so rude, and so not true its not like I tell 10 million people Im home alone and its not like I tell someone hey im alone you come sneak around my back yard and then I can call the cops. Thats not really funny and its such an immature and waste of time thing to do.

I also found out that my 12 year old sister will be moving in and sharing my room fulltime. YAY ME!! NOT. Im so frustrated and annoyed I have no were to go and no privacy and everyone just goes in my room whenever they please like seriously I dont know what to do anymore.

Love you

The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There’s a truth in your eyes sayin’ you’ll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you’ll catch me if ever I fall
You say it best when you say nothing at all

life.

So ovs my home life isnt too great, but hey neither is the work life when all Im getting is 16 hours a week who can afford to do anything? I didnt pass my N and so now I have to go again... and I hate the fact that I cant find another job. I have been hanging out with aly and jo lots which is always fun!!! And Joannas 19th is comming up so I gotta prepare for that one. Im trying to figure out where to go from where I am now.. I need a place to call home cause its definetly not here
Anywho until next time
xoxo - Erica

14 reasons why you just gotta let go...

I've never broken your trust
I have always balanced everything out in life
I've worked sense I was 14
I was on the honor roll
I have really amazing friends
I look up to pretty good role models
I have a loving boyfriend
I try my best at everything
I work my ass off for anything I want
I've traveled more around the world then you
I've always made good descisions and
I've always learnt from my mistakes
I'm happy with who I am and
Im living life for me..


Just let me grow up dad.. its time for you to trust me and let go that Im not going to stay little forever. And I've never done anything to break your trust.

FUCK THE WORLD

So Im not in the most happiest of moods possible. I hate living at home, like seriously I am 18 not 12 and I shouldnt have a midnight curfew or a bed time if I dont go out. Im an adult now and if I decide to stay up late I deal with the consequences. I shouldnt have to ask to go out and then you decide, it should be hey dad Im going out I'll be home later call me if you need me... or hey dad im sleeping over at a friends.... its to the point with me now that I shouldnt even have to tell you who im going out with and what we did. I feel like your treating me like a little child. I never had a curfew or bedtime or anything in grade 12... why now? Is it because I have a boyfriend? Or is it because you lost one of your children already that now you feel that you have to come down harder on me in hopes that I will stick around longer? Im telling you the more you treat me like a little kid the more and more your pushing me away and out of your life. I feel like I cant talk to you about anything and I dont want to talk to you anymore... Seriously I had more freedom when I was in school. I am such a good kid compared to like the world and what has that gotten me? More rules.. well tell me how to earn the trust and the freedom cause if its being bad like my brother was that so be it thats what I'll do from now. I understand you are upset about my brother but thats no reason to take it out on me. Im so over this relationship with you and oviously I cant come to you and tell you this, so I have to figure it out on my own. Maybe I should live out of my car I cant afford to live by myself but I need to do something.


P.S. Tell your whore-bag of a gf to stay the fuck away from me and stop commenting on my life I hate her and shes so ungrateful for everything.


Oh and P.S.S. One day you wont be walking me down the aisle.. Ill have someone who actually means something to me and trusts me walk me down. So you can wake up from that dream anytime now.

I have a stalker

I have a stalker.. and its kinda funny but kinda not cool.
Its annoying they are trying to break me and the boo up and its
seriously so high school they really need to grow up whoever
it is because who really does that?

NEW ADDICTION

Jo & Aly time shopping for peepee crotch. It was so much fun, and once we get older the four of us would be like sex & the city lol omg. And New addiction alert... Smallville... lame I know but I couldnt help it. lol and I got paid today, I have to give half my check to visa but thats okay lol and I have to start saving up money, because Im going to alberta with the boo hopefully to meet his family. Which is cute, and I am starting to become super booked up for this summer I should probably get a calendar and write it all down or I will forget. Anywho now Im just rambling.

XOXO Erica

I love you I love you I love you I love you

I wanna be the girl your scared too lose.
The one where you [can't] walk away from me
knowing im mad or upset with you.
The one who you cant fall asleep without
my voice being the last thing you hear.
The one you cant live WITHOUT.

wtf

I am who I am
Your approval isnt needed.

Rushing currents from 1 to 6

Is it normal to never be happy with whats going on around you?
Last night I had so much fun, and I just completley forgot about everything
and everyone. I just lived in the moment not worrying about yesterday
and not worrying about tomorrow, or next month, or even next year.
Like my life is by far not as bad as many, but I just seem so blah.
I feel like I have so much to do. But really I dont. I just need a better
way of doing it. I use to be so good at balancing everything, and then it
hit me. I've changed, but for a good but bad way. I know confusing, but its
true. I just feel like somewhere along the line I lost the part of me that
loves girls night, and girlie movies, and everything else inbetween. I
just feel so lost period. 6 months ago I would have been worrying about nothing
now I have so much to worry about ; school, living arrangements, driving, getting
my liscence, Boyfriend, friends, future, money, job, how to change things.
I just feel like Im getting wrapped up in everything and then I feel like Im
out and it pulls me back in kinda like a current. So I am making some goals for myself. I will put them in a list.

1. Figure out wtf my gparents want to do about car/living arrangements asap
2. Practice,practice,practice driving!
3. Possibly re-book test depending on what dad says.
4. Ask for more hours or leave job.
5. Take things one day at a time.
6. Try to enjoy life and do things that make me happy no matter what other
people say or think.

I am the walrus - coocoo cachou

So this weekend, was another eventful weekend. Friday night spent it with the boo
and sat woke up and had a wonderful breakfast. He then met Silly and her and I went shopping for a good 3 hours, only to forget Meesas gift. But anyways it was so much fun catching up with everyone and I lost my brand new shirt already, that I just bought but it has to be at shares, also I inquired $5 dollars along the way which
isnt bad, but someone has got to be missing it lol. And My pants is the best invention ever lol I love it. And I cant wait to keep hanging out with old friends and have good times.

Mapquest cant save me.

So seriously WTF. My grandparents are all over the fing map. One day they want me to move out with there help paying of course and the next they want me to stay at home and they are buying me a car. Every week they are changing there mind. And in the end I cant complain about either because they are both such greatful gestures. But its annoying that you tell me to look for one thing and by the time I find it, your over that idea and on too the next one. Seriously just choose one or the other stop confusing me.

P.S. Im working on Meesa's 19th bday gift she will be so happy but Im thinking she might be a little embarassed from it too lol. Anywho I will post pictures of it up here next week when I dont have to hide it from her.

Until then xoxo Erica

Weekend of 06/13 - 06/15

Partying with your friends and being around them with you let me in on your world just a little more. And Im glad they approve of me :) Cause if they didnt that would not be very good. lol seeing you drunk was so so so so so funny and I love you so much.

Summer 08` list

1. Go camping with Joanna
2. Go camping with Share, Heather & Meesa
3. Go camping with James
4. Move out
5. Save money for tattoo (& get it in the fall)
6. Save money for insurance
7. Get a second job
8. Get my N
9. Go to the glenn for a weekend
10. Go to seattle for the day (can we say shopping?!)
11. Get a really nice tan
12. Have a summer BBQ with friends
13. Start planning 19 Bday!
14. Move into my new place
15. Go to the capillano suspension bridge
16. Get my truck painted
17. Go on a road trip to Alberta with J
18. Make 10 million videos with Joanna
19. Enter one dance/talent show
20. Go to the waterslides
21. Go to the gym a lot more


More to come when I can think of it

Boys...

I sometimes I think that I over-think us.
I feel as if you do mean what you say but at the same time
your not giving me your all because your scared of the future
which makes me scared of the future. And like you keep saying one thing
and it is absolutley driving me insane. Its when you say things like
" Well I dont want to do this now and find out it wasnt worth it and that I wasted my time" WELL IF YOUR ENJOYING IT NOW ITS NOT A WASTE OF TIME.
I love you but you make me feel like I have a reason to be insecure
about us, when I shouldnt have too.

Moving out!!?

So.. This summer I have to start looking for a place to move into for september 1st
and Im moving back out to surrey!! WOOHOO and that means no parents, more responsibility but its for myself so its not like I have 10 million things to worry
about and if I want to do soemthing I will be able too :) YAY ME!

ROAD BLOCK.

So TTI is now switching to sprout-shaw and just from the commercials I do believe that the school is very dumb. So I refused to sign up and now will be attending CTC. (Canadian Tourism College) One problem.. they dont want me working while attending there school because its 6 hours a day and then 4 to 6 hours of homework a night. But if I dont have a job, I dont make money, and if I dont make money I cant have insurance or gas to get to school. But its okay a road block that I will be getting over very soon, because this is my future we are talking about here.

As well as I need a vehicle with insurance and gas to be able to see my friends, and boyfriend. I miss Sharon so much its crazy I definetly need to go visit. And I want to be able to see her all the time. Anywho for now I gotta run.

XoXo Erica

SHIT SON

Okay so I have not blogged in a long ass time. Almost a whole month and a lot has gone on in my life I will break it down into smaller blogs so that when reading it
you dont seem like the blog is draging on.

1. California - OMGOMGOMG! Is all that can be said. The trip was the bomb diggity and to be able to go with a longtime bff was just the icing on the cake. Room 126 was where the party was at. Getting crunk in the bitch every night, having a ghostly roomate swimming every night, riding the waves at the beach, mastering public transit even though no anaheim person we spoke to believed that it exsisted. Disneyland, Universal, New port Beach, Huntington beach, laguna beach and dayna point. Making random friends at disney, on buses and at the hotel it was a trip to never forget. Making videos and getting married.. our safe and cutting my foot the goodtimes never stopped. Pictures to come on facebook <3

2. School - So I got accepted to TTI a private tourism training school that is located currently in guildford but might be moving other to vancouver or into abbotsford. I did so well on my entry exams that I got a 1000 dollar scholarship upon entrance and will be starting in september. Majoring in Hospitality & HR management and minoring in events & corrdinator planner. So Im kinda happy that I figured it out about what I am good at and what I want to do. And that alot of people are supporting me.

3. Job - I need a new job. Future Shop doesnt give me enough hours and I dont want to work friday,saturday,sunday & monday cause then when everyone else is working I have absolutley nothing to do. And I can always keep fs as a second job or go back once school starts but for the summertime I think its time to let go.

4. Other - I am never sure of anything. I need to be more brave and just go with what is given to me. No more what ifs and no more self doubts. It will be hard but its something I have to work on, I worry to much. I still want to move out this summer preferably just before school starts Im not really looking forward to staying with my dad for one more year possibly because I am still not treated like an adult and I never do anything right supposidly.

Anywho I will try to post more frequently
You know you love me.
xoxo - Erica

4 DAYS & 27 MINUTES

So officially after 12 pm tonight its 4 days!!! WOOHOO
CALIFORNIA HERE I COME.
sunshine, and summertime and I cannot wait.
My voice is cracking in and out which is always goodtimes.
So sometimes
I will go to say something and nothing comes out.
I dont know who all reads my blog.. but it kinda creeps me out
Im so over tired that I have no real way of this blog
making complete sense. Oh but I was right about girlicious
except they kept kristina too but i didnt think 4 girls
was an option when I made my prediction.
Schedule for the rest of the days before cali!!

Thursday - spend the day with my boyfriend
Friday - Work, tanning & Laundry (woohoo)
Saturday - work? Maybe movies after?
Sunday - Pack and have everything ready
Monday - I will be in california!!


I also switched my poll so vote if you are reading this.
And omg I took my dog down to the park yesterday
and it was so funny she almost pulled me into the lake
other then that though we saw 7 cute baby baby geeses.
Like small little fluffy yellow things. So adorable.
Other then that Im just trying to figure out what I am suppose to
be doing in this freakin life. Its so hard I wish there was like
a manual for each person so that they would know what to become
or a puzzle to solve and then thats what you did.
Oh well I think Im going to head to bed. Ill blog
a proper blog another time and another place
love <3

Girlicious

Okay I must admit I hated Natalie in the begining but as soon as her grandma died I started to really like her. I have always hated Charyle and I think she should have been sent home. Same with Tiffanie I hated but loved her too but now I want her to win.

My perdiction for final 3 in girlicious: Natalie, Nichole, & Tiffanie

Mixxed up like the weather..

Good news !! 9 days till Im basking in the glorious sun on the california beaches

In other news: I feel like Im an emotional rollercoaster one minute Im happy and the next Im pissed off, grumpy or upset. I feel frustrated. I dont know what to do in life and everyone around me tells me one thing and changes there freakin mind. One minute its a great idea to own a business and the next I will never have enough money to be able to do so. Make up your fuckin mind here people. Like seriously just support me or dont. None of this Im gunna switch sides every ten minutes. Im just gunna take a certificate program come september if I get accepted and go from there
I have to worry about one year at a time not ten. I also thought that my mom usually had good ideas and latley shes been feeding me shitty comments. I seriously just need to figure everything out on my own without everybody having something to fucking say about it. Keep your comments to yourself. Sit down, shut the fuck up and let me make my own mistakes then I only have myself to blame. JEEZE!!

MOVING OUT.

I need a roomate who wants to move out sometime this summer
perferably in the begining and definetly before september.
Serious inquirys only. Not someone who wishes they could.
I would like to stay in langley, cloverdale guildford area.
Msg me if interested

1 to 7 kiik

#1. 20 days till California
#2. I have a really amazing best friend.
#3. Shares moving home
#4. I am looking to move out
#5. Looking for a new job
#6. Trying to figure out what to do with life
#7. Maybe;; Councilor? Travel Agent? Business owner of a restaurant or b&b? Options, options what to do with them..

Strong feelings for a certain someone <3

Nothings full proof life is dumb.

I hate everything.

catch up

Wow, okay so I havent blogged for like a really long time heres the happening.

Joanna & I - we have are shirts made, we will be booking are hotels soon and I was approved for my visa card. woohoo. We have so much fun together. We have are secrets of bad habits and we have been helping are two other friends who are currently like fucked in the head. And Joanna decided that if her kid spread shit on the bathroom wall that she would say " Sweetie there is better ways of dealing with this, go cut yourself"


James - Him and I have had a few little fights and we get over it. Im thinking I really like this boy soooo soooo soo much its ridiculous. Like hes so amazing makes me soo happy and makes me blush so easily.

The rest - Heather, Share, and Mel came to visit me and it was amazing. We went to timmys and then the park. Were we had very good "drunk" times. But it was good to catch up with old friends and its good to hangout with them i love it. I hate school still its very boring. I really dont like it. I cant wait oh and by the way scrap the last plan i blogged I have a new one. I talked to my mother who said that I should do the flight attendant thing. Which is ultimetly what I want to do. So I WILL be doing it, and I will be moving out as well. On top of that I hung out with debs and james and we went to new west and got my tattoo dropped off so that was good. And other then that I had a good easter and a very good family day with my dad on sunday and my stepmom and my stepsister.

Thats all for now but I hope I can blog more. xoxo erica.

Fullproof School Plan

I will apply at bcit & at vcc and pray to god that I do not get in and I will also apply for the flight attendant course <-- which I do hope I get into, and then I can take some online courses after that and while I work as a flight attendant I could get my tourism management degree and then I will be set for like doing something that I think I want to do. Not what my parents, or the rest of my family want.

Alone?

My mom left me and doesnt seem to have the time for me. My father acts depressed and pretends his life is this horrible thing when really hes just lazy. Im not happy with me thats ovious. My friends seem ok others seem like they are not actually not there for me, My grandparents are annoying and live in another fuckin century and dont understand anything. My boyfriend kinda freaks out and goes on rants when I see different things for myself in the future then for him and says he doesnt want to hold me back but totally guilts me. My brother thinks hes in a gang and is stupid and my stepsister one of them is a slut and the other one is going to be. I seriously just want to get away. 46 DAYS TILL CALI!!! But I mean actually move away. And the way I saw it was I didnt want to alone, but maybe thats the best way to go, is alone.

Would you?

Falling for me?
I doubt that. I have all these insecurities about this relationship and your the reason for them. You get mad at me for reasons yes, but for logical reasons? NO. I wish you could somehow prove to me that you really do like me. I would do anything that you wanted if it would make you happy. I have this feeling, and its not a good one. Its about to get heated and you need to prove how badly you really want me. Because as it stands right now, I dont really believe you do. And you repeadidly tell me that your there for me, but when I tell you what I would like to do in the future you look at me like thats dumb and get stressed out just because you dont like it or dont see the same for you. Thats my future it doesnt mean you have to be in it. And as for holding me back, you never will. If I want something bad enought Its mine for the taking. PROMISE. xoxo Erica

First week of March

The low down on the past week - My boyfriend met my dad and that went over way better then what I expected it too. And he still makes me laugh so hard we went to a gas station and they didnt have the drink he wanted so he was trying to remember which one he liked and I knew which one I like so I opened it and told him to try it and he thought I was going to put it back oh that was too funny.

Joanna and I had are very first sleepover at her house which was so much fun. No matter what the two of us doo I always have so much fun. We could sit and do absolutley nothing and its just a goodtime. I love having friends like that, and no matter what I do or say she never judges me. And P.S. WE ARE IN THE 40'S BABY!!
California here we come

I dont know what it is but Im not ready to decide on what I want to do in life I know what I enjoy and I know that a lot of people doubt/dont want me too, do what I actually want. I have no idea how to explain it but its not the right time just yet.
I just want to be able to make money travel and experience life, and thats "everyones" goals I guess but if I had someone to do something like that I would be gone in a second. Im starting to think I maybe need to just go off by myself. Then I would be able to do something. All these people are holding me back and I dont want them too. But I guess in a sense Im letting them so really Im the only one holding me back. I think I just contradicted myself but oh well.
Which actually just leads to more confusion. Oh well nothing I can do I guess.

With you

You make me fall for you everytime
I dont even think you realize how much
I like you. Like I dont think I even realize that

Cant Sleep

I am turning into a zombie,
I havent been able to sleep for almost a total
of two weeks. Get this Im not even sure
if I am stressed out or not.
I cant keep up with this ridiculous sleeping pattern
which pretty much goes like this... no matter what time I go to bed
and no matter what I do before bed
it takes me at least 2 hours to get to sleep
and then I wake up every hour or soo and have troubles
falling asleep. Isnt that just freakin awesome?

You give me this feeling.

I can`t do this anymore,
I have to break up with him
I have all these feelings, I like him so much
yet I have no idea what I want to do in life
how can I get attached to someone
or let someone get attached to me
when I have no idea wtf is going on?
Im stupid.

Don`t you understand I like you soo much
But I dont want to get hurt

Shirts <3

Team Cutiepants

Boo & Tea

This is how I rock & This is how I roll

Eyeball & Iball

Mauh-ha Squad
Hoodstar & Rockstar

Break down much?

Okay I cant stop crying, I cant deal with anything anymore and its dumb. My dad is being stupid and everythings about him and how he cant do stuff which is a lie. Whatever, I seriously just want to get up and move away. I dont even care where anymore. I dont want to go to school, and I dont want to work at Future Shop. I dont even know what makes me happy anymore because so many people have comments on my life and insted of ignoring them I listen and talk myself out of doing stuff that I want too do. I seriously just want to do something mind you I cant even come up with what I want to do.

Everyone who supports me, only supports me when they want to on stuff that they want me too do. Im fed up with it. Im tired of not fitting in, in my own house a place I should be able to be me no matter what I decide me is. I love my family but I am soo stressed out I cant deal with them.
I hate that my dad treats me like Im twelve and lets my step mom treat me like shit and that I shouldnt be there. I hate that my mom left me here and mved so fucking far away and cant afford to even come see me or for me to go see her. I hate how my grandmother gossips about me. I hate how everyone thinks Im stupid and dont know right from wrong.

I hate not feeling secure with relationships. I hate how I suspect the worse no matter what. I hate that I have been hurt so many times and so I always think someone is doing something wrong. I hate not trusting people. And how I try to deny my feelings for any one or anything. Im fed up with myself. I hate that I have no one to tell these things too

I hate how I cant stand up for myself, and how no matter what people always push me around. Why cant I be like I was in like grade 10 I was so confident and okay with everything and you try to push me down and I'd flip a lid. Seriously I hate how I know what I want to do with my life, yet I am doing something else because thats what my family wants. I hate not wanting to move away because I feel bad for my dad. I really have to just pack up and leave I think.



On top of all this I had a really shitty day at work. Next week I have 12 hours and some guy tried robbing everyones stuff from the back. And aactually did steal some stuff

ill blog hopefully soon

Cutie Pants at Cultus

The wierd lights were everywhere when we were taking pictures

Rockin the stunna shades. We were are sunglasses when its not sunny lol

Wierd photo and it actually just took it like that. We were so scared

So tired.

So a lot has been going on, and I think I'm really stressed out even though half the time I dont feel like I am... you know? I dont really know where to start.. My boyfriend is a goof he makes me laugh all the time and is such a city boy. (lol jkjk) We went to cultus and we're all lovey dovey on the dock and I asked him what kind of bird that was (to prove that he was a city boy) and he didnt know and it was a duck.. lol so about 20 mins later i ask again and hes like haha.. its a duck but it was a crow. But he says he wasnt paying attention I believe him but still a funny story. And also we have a rule if he steps in animal poop he cant kiss me well if i see him step in it.. lol
But the other night I think he was mad at me because I was paranoid and he got snappy but he says he didnt mean to so I have no idea on that subject.. And sometime this week he has the lucky job of meeting my dad, and stepmom. I dont know whos more stressed out.. him or me?
lol

So back to the stress I havent been able to sleep the past few weeks and its not like normal when you toss and turn its like Im so tired through out the day but I cant sleep. I have tried going to bed early, staying up till 3 in the morning nothing works.. and it kinda worries me because I think I am happy but theres gotta be something going on subconciously

Its been super nice out these past two weeks so Joanna and I or JT and I go down to the lake suntan swim whatever we feel like and it feels so amazing to not be freezing anymore. I love snow but it was just getting ridiculous.

Other then that I dont want to go to school, I hate my job, I want to move out and away... far far away and I just wish life was a lot easier. I'll post later today. - xoxo Erica

Blabb.

So the hap on these past 2 weeks are, I've been hanging out with Joanna a lot more and of course with the boyfriend :) Him and I went to Ihop and he got syrup on his arms after I told him he would if he put his arms down. And for Valentines Day we went to Hope and spent the night there and the next day headed down to cultus where he closed his eyes and let me walk him backward around the dock with no edges. Its so cute that he trusts me that much. I told my dad he took it suprisingly well. And has no real problems with it. Actually he thinks we are bonding over it. hahaha thats a laugh and a half because ovs that wouldnt happen. I am starting my dance team even if I dont live in Abby I can drive out here twice a week plus gas is super cheap out here so its totally worth it. And Joanna might assiste me with it, which would be awesome as well. We are also heading in a good direction with are trip planning and we might actually fly insted. On the down side a friend slept with a guy she didnt even know while drunk for her first time. And I dont know if she regrets it. She says she does but I dont believe that oh well her choices. And her current boyfriend is gay and is using her as a cover story I do believe but again her choice. Other then that I have been looking for a new job, something with a little more hours but in the time frame that I would like them :) And I am booking my "N" by friday this week its a must if I want to be able to drive this summer... which I soooooo soooo soooo do. Well its late and Ima head to bed. I will try to blog more often
xoxo -Erica

Life

So again, I havent had to much time to blog. I feel like with everything going on I am losing more and more of myself in the mix. I just recently msged everyone that means anything to me to tell them that I am sorry for not trying to make any effort even though they are in my thoughts quite a bit. I feel like everyone and everything is trying to control me and no matter what I do, its not the right thing. Seriously I just need to get away. Just go. Get on a plane a train or a bus I dont care. Just as long as I'm not here. I have all these things going on and no one that I can tell. I come up with reasons why people dont like me and push them away, even if they say it I cant trust them. I feel like Im stuck going in a circle and theres no one who can pull me out of it. Im almost certain I have an eating disorder Im losing weight and then gaining it back and then losing it again. And the thought of eating makes me want to puke but when I dont eat I want to puke too. So Im always feeling sick. My family is so caotic I cant deal with it anymore. I dont have a space to myself and my stuff cant be left anywhere, well it doesnt matter if its put away even its for everyone to use I guess sense everyone does. Its just so frustrating, everything in this household is. Im so confused between what people have told me to do and not to do that I dont even know how to feel or what I want because I cant make any decsions. Its bahh its so hard to explain. Im so fucked with everything. I just need something to make it all better but I havent figured out what yet. On a lighter note.

January 30th/2008 - Amazing
JT asked me to be his girlfriend. Thats good, right? WRONG. I like him a lot, but how am I going to tell my parents. He's so amazingly sweet and understanding and definetly good looking. Im so attracted to him. I just really cant get super attached I feel because Im so scared to get hurt so I deny my feelings to myself. Seriously all these people telling me what to do and none of them no whats going on. Maybe if I tell them they can tell me how to feel.

Cali, Boy & Life.

So I havent blogged for a while, but I have not been working that much.. so maybe a second job is in the near future? I love my class minus the fact that I cant take the online quizes which is kinda dumb. So the teacher hasnt gotten back to me on that one but hopefully she will soon. Can't afford to fall behind now can I? Then next week I shall check out BCIT and see if I like that school and maybe see JT & Ho. <3 Well and Debs oviously. And I want to look into my tattoo as well. That would be quite scary but very very good.

Boy update - So we went to Harrison and walked around the lake and on the two docks, hes scared of water which is totally cute, but he went on them anyways. Hes so incredible, and wants to talk about everything and is just amazing and sweet.

Cali planning is going very well. We pinned down where we would like to go and see, what exactly we would like to do and how many days we should spend doing each. Soon we will know gas prices, hotel and all that not so jazzy stuff. Hopefully I get more hours though to be able to afford it :) Jo and I had sucha ball today, we laughed and almost pee'd areselfs and picked up quite the cuties today. NOT. Puke much? 2 seniors & an old guy trying to pretend he knew us. Matching undies and tassels for the eyes? no for the nose? bursts out laughing. Well thats all for not till next time.
xoxo -Erica

Boy & Ladies night <3

Spotted.. Erica on her second date with quite the babe. Drinks for two? And a freezing ass walk on the lake. ( And yes literally on the lake) Theres a dock going all the way over the lake. Which was frozen and we possibly killed a fish.. lol And it was wierd how many other couples and wierdos were there. lol But it was very very cute. Third date you ask? Details comming soon. Friday night? Definetly hanging out with the Ladies <3

WTF?

I can`t believe what I learnt about myself today. Yah people have pointed it out before, but never have I really believed them. I have trust issues, and plan that everyone is planning these horrible things against me, even though they really arn't. I have commitment issues, every guy who has liked me, I have found something "wrong" with them, or acted up so they didnt like me. I am seriously fucked in the head I do believe.

Go big or go home

I have never realized this about me, but I have always dreamed big. Wether it be from when I was little and wanted to be a singer, or when I started to dance and act. And always dreamed of being famous. Or travelling the world. Or what were big dreams at the time like getting on the honor roll for grade 11 & 12. And a lot of my dreams were crushed by the people who "supported" me, and the people who really were just scared to see me fail. Well I will be completing my business degree, and then my tourism degree, and moving on to owning my own b&b and then one day maybe I will own my own chain of hotels. I could totally see myself doing that. And then I could do it all, teach a dance class? travel the world to all my hotels? Plan partys & weddings? Whatever I wanted I could hire people to work for me, and I will never have to work for anyone else, ever again. It will definetly be the next hilton. well thats all for now. XOXO

Hot Date

This just in.. Erica spotted on a hot date. Movie, coffee, drive, and a very cold walk in the park. It was so cute, mind you he was so cute. lol Hopefully this happy feeling from him.. will continue. :)

I started school today, and found out I might not need the class that I am currently in. Which is freakin sweet. Cause one less class means other more free time or more time to work and make money for my cali trip. Also Share is actually coming home for the wedding. I hope we get to go on our dinner date. I do miss her very much. I also deleted my honesty box. This done so, one I dont like people being fake to my face and really just not liking me, two I'm tired of the sexual comments and three, even the nice one's bug me. Because it all just mean's nothing without a face to put it too. So if you have a thought about me and would like to share, please do so without being annonymous. As well tomorrow I go to renew my L, this is so I can get my N. Hey, it's a foot in the door for the next step. And soon I will be driving. Thats all for now. xoxo

The New & Old.

I got my hair cut today, and I love love love it. It's trimed with lots of layers and bangs. It does look cute if I do say so myself. I kinda had awesome plans tonight and they were ruinned when my parents told me that they were going to a movie, so of course I didnt want to go, and then my dad spazzed out at me. But thats nothing new.

Also my work hours were cut back even fulltime people are no longer fulltime because we have to many people. Well I want fulltime or a new job. We'll see which one comes first. I start school in two days, Im a little stressed out and a little nervous. And today I also found out that Billy isnt comming home after all because the lack of money. I wish I won the lottery because then I'd fly her out and spend as much time as possible with her. But I doubt that will happen.
Well I guess thats the happ currently in my life - xoxo Erica

A new Blog for a new Year.

So I decided to start a new blog for the new year, because my old one I found out when you look me up showed up on google. Which is just fantastic because I want the whole freakin world to read it. (Well, not really..) But anyways. This one is more private. And the only people that know about are the people that are close to me, or stalk me.. lol.


2008 - not off to that great of a start. But Im over it. Well kind of. Im still in the middle of a fight with my dad, missing my mom and being forced to go back to school, but other then that it is all being worked out. I went on a random roadtrip to princton yesterday by accident and now I am planning a road trip with Jo to cali in may. Which will totally be wicked cool. I just know we are going to have so much fun. Well I'll blog more later. xoxo