She stepped with the wrong foot forward

It feels like no matter what I do, theres always someone Im not pleasing.. It doesnt bug me, because I know that I cant please everyone. Especially all at once. So why do I bring it up you ask? Because I for once don't want to get in shit, for something someone else is not happy with. For such a happy person, I have a lot of negativity in my life... and although I put on a front and get along with my family I feel thats where it started, thats where I feel most of the negativity is comming from. I feel like I should go away and not talk to anyone for a little while, and just focus on me, and making me happy. That may seem selfish but I dont know what else to do.. I try to stand up, i get in shit, i take it i feel like shit. Its a lose lose. Im under such a tiny microscope that its not even funny. I have so much pressure on me to have a great job and start a career... thats what I want but not at this point, I want to work and travel the world I dont need a job that I can stay there for 30 years just yet. Thats my rant for right now.

bahh hum bug.

Okay so the current downlow of my life is that is lacks time. I have no time to really do anything I dont even have time to do homework and thats all i ever do lol. I cant decide whether or not to stop sleeping.. or to fail class? lol great options I know. Other then that I went to see twilight it was amazing amazing amazing!! And I saw hsm on ice last night which was pretty cool, but troy was definetly not a zac efron looking hottie. lol Downside to all this christmas is here im done my shopping, but i hate christmas. Family drama, money issues, and stress, oh and dont forget possibilities of weight gain. Gotta love the holidays right? This year will be the first year that xmas is different my dads brother (my uncle) is not comming to xmas for the first time EVER. So my grandma is emotional, my dad and him are argueing and it leaves me stuck in the middle of something that should not be a problem in the first place. Good part of xmas the bf is spending it with me :)

No one in the club has sawgger like us <3

What to say? What to say?
I have so much homework right now its not even funny and so I am taking a break to write in zee blog. lol I currently am in classes called HR Management, Organizational Behaviour and Accounting and I have massive projects in all of them and on top of that I have to do nightly homework. YAY ME!! NOT. lol tonight Jo an I are hitting the clubs, so people you better be looking out for us ;) Then we are also going to go shopping today and she is sleeping over. Total girls night out!! Im so stoked because I dont get to see her that often making tonight very very exciting. Anywho I should probably get back to work

P.S. Gas under a dollar? HELL YAH

xoxo Erica

2 months & 12 days later

So yah I noticed I dont blog anymore. Dont really have the time.. but then again I dont really have the time to do anything, and of course everything and anything I want to do can no longer be spontaneous... it must be planned out. Man school just takes the fun outta everything now doesnt it? lol Okay so where to start. We will start way back when at the end of august and begining of september. I house sat a lot for alyssa and craig, which was fun because it was like living by myself without having parents around. Awesome! I know lol. And september 4th, Joanna and I went to Backstreet Boys & Girlicious which was so totally awesome. We did not have floor seats or anything else amazing.. but we could see everything and ended up getting a little tipsy any ways and dancing everywhere so we honestly didnt care.

School - I started school way back when on September 8th and a lot of my classmates were intimidated for sure. I on the other hand was not, I fully enjoyed beinging in class, and I love everything Im learning Im definetly a lucky one. The down side is literally minimum 3 hours of homework on school nights which is monday to wednesday for 9 hours a day. And on a bad day I could have up to 8 but Im pretty fast and usually get it done in 6. We get massive homework assignments that the last one took me over 68 hours to finish obviously not in a row. But all in all Im learning lots.

Life - I GOT MY LISCENCE OCTOBER 24TH!! AND I TURNED 19 ON OCTOBER 27!! So I can legally drink and drive just not together.. I know!! lol Joanna, Alyssa, Kaity and I all went to Citrus for my birthday and we had so much fun it was ridiculous and so many cute pics too! I love that I can just get in my car in go, such freedom. OMG ALMOST FORGOT.. I MOVED BACK TO CLOVERDALE. I live here pretty much by myself and can do whatever I want whenever I want.. well if school didnt interfere with that lol. I need to organize times better, and set realistic goals and if I accomplish them reward myself with spending the day with friends, or even my boyfriend because oother wise I wont have time and I will fall behind in school.

Boyfriend - Still dating after 9 months which is a good sign. lol and we got in are first massive crazy yelling fight ever. But we worked it out and everything is all good, and in a few days it will be a year sense I've known him. I know im wierd but its cute and you know it.

Family - My dad and I have been getting along a lot better sense I dont live at home anymore which is good I guess. I miss Jennie like crazy I almost want to cry everytime I here myself say her name or even think about her shes my best friend right? How can I not miss her.

Thats life for now, nothing to crazy just lack of time for anything else besides school. But hey its one hard year for a lifetime filled with oppurtunities. I know its cheesy but its what gets me through the day. :)


P.S. I will try and blog more then once every two months lol.

BAHHHHHHHHH

I HATE MY LIFE.
well that was my over dramatic point of this blog.


I hate the fact that my whole family is fucking pyshco. My stepsister is moving in fulltime and that means I share a room 24/7 YAY ME! NOT And on top of all that everyone is thinking this is the best thing for her. I dont think it is and its definetly not the right thing for this family. I also HATE the fact that my grandma is all old school on me and preeches to me like every 5 seconds about stuff that she doesnt even know anything.

Life.

Do you ever feel like life is moving so fast that if you blink you just missed a year? And have you ever felt trapped or because someone else didnt believe in something you wanted that you just gave it up? Well I think thats what I have been doing and I cant let people get in my way. If my family doesnt like it they will get over it once they realize the choices I make are good ones. And if my friends or boyfriend are not supportive then maybe its time to find new ones. Im young, I dont want to be settled into a job, a house, kids, marriage or anything along those lines for a few years, but I feel like those years are rushing at me so its intimidating theres so much I want to do. I want to live all over the place.. I think my top two places are California & Quebec it doesnt have to be for 10 years but maybe 3 to 6 months in both places. And I know that I dont need to go with anyone else I will make new friends, and I will have an amazing life experience. Its just a random thought that I needed to write out..

Jealous.

Every girl who reads this stop and think about your mom for one moment. Do you hate her guts? Do you wish she would stop trying to meddal in your life? Does going on a shopping day or a brunch date or even just small chitchat over dinner feel like a chore to do? Well think about if she wasnt there.. think about what it would be like to have that pulled from right under you and you just left with phone calls, then they will die down , then emails and they will eventually stop, and then your left wishing you could have been a better daughter or took more time to do those things. ITS NOT TOO LATE. You may think you hate your mom but trust me if she was gone you'd want to go back to hating her..

Its been over 3 years sense I have seen my mom, and when I saw moms taking there girls back to school shopping today I immediatly left the mall in tears. I wish I could have that with my mom, I wish I could have chit chats and get into all sorts of trouble and fights with her. What kills me the most is too think that I have all these feelings and I dont know if she feels the same shes missed so much of my life.. that I dont even know if shes interested in me anymore. Its a depressing thought so all you lucky girls with moms just give her a call maybe spend the day at the mall and remember your love and trust for her will over power that so called hate.

The 411

So I havent blogged latley and I figured I'd fill you all in. I just had my 6 months with the boyfriend which was very romantic and sweet. He planned a horse drawn carriage in stanley park and then dinner at the revolving restaurant it was soo sweet. We are definetly happy together still so thats good and it seems like he always just knows how to make me feel better.

The friends, Im currently stuck in between a 3way cat fight which is oh so fun but definetly a lot of drama and I do not like it but hopefully they can work that one out. Other then that Im missing a few people but I guess thats more motivation to go get my liscence.

My parents went away this weekend it was kinda boring wasnt aloud anyone over but I had someone over anyways lol but only because i got scared, last year the same thing happened and guess what it did again this year to there was someone walking around the back yard being all creepy so ovs that was fun and guess what I got in shit and was told I ruined there vacation and that they wont be aloud to go away anymore because of me which is so rude, and so not true its not like I tell 10 million people Im home alone and its not like I tell someone hey im alone you come sneak around my back yard and then I can call the cops. Thats not really funny and its such an immature and waste of time thing to do.

I also found out that my 12 year old sister will be moving in and sharing my room fulltime. YAY ME!! NOT. Im so frustrated and annoyed I have no were to go and no privacy and everyone just goes in my room whenever they please like seriously I dont know what to do anymore.

Love you

The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There’s a truth in your eyes sayin’ you’ll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you’ll catch me if ever I fall
You say it best when you say nothing at all

life.

So ovs my home life isnt too great, but hey neither is the work life when all Im getting is 16 hours a week who can afford to do anything? I didnt pass my N and so now I have to go again... and I hate the fact that I cant find another job. I have been hanging out with aly and jo lots which is always fun!!! And Joannas 19th is comming up so I gotta prepare for that one. Im trying to figure out where to go from where I am now.. I need a place to call home cause its definetly not here
Anywho until next time
xoxo - Erica

14 reasons why you just gotta let go...

I've never broken your trust
I have always balanced everything out in life
I've worked sense I was 14
I was on the honor roll
I have really amazing friends
I look up to pretty good role models
I have a loving boyfriend
I try my best at everything
I work my ass off for anything I want
I've traveled more around the world then you
I've always made good descisions and
I've always learnt from my mistakes
I'm happy with who I am and
Im living life for me..


Just let me grow up dad.. its time for you to trust me and let go that Im not going to stay little forever. And I've never done anything to break your trust.

FUCK THE WORLD

So Im not in the most happiest of moods possible. I hate living at home, like seriously I am 18 not 12 and I shouldnt have a midnight curfew or a bed time if I dont go out. Im an adult now and if I decide to stay up late I deal with the consequences. I shouldnt have to ask to go out and then you decide, it should be hey dad Im going out I'll be home later call me if you need me... or hey dad im sleeping over at a friends.... its to the point with me now that I shouldnt even have to tell you who im going out with and what we did. I feel like your treating me like a little child. I never had a curfew or bedtime or anything in grade 12... why now? Is it because I have a boyfriend? Or is it because you lost one of your children already that now you feel that you have to come down harder on me in hopes that I will stick around longer? Im telling you the more you treat me like a little kid the more and more your pushing me away and out of your life. I feel like I cant talk to you about anything and I dont want to talk to you anymore... Seriously I had more freedom when I was in school. I am such a good kid compared to like the world and what has that gotten me? More rules.. well tell me how to earn the trust and the freedom cause if its being bad like my brother was that so be it thats what I'll do from now. I understand you are upset about my brother but thats no reason to take it out on me. Im so over this relationship with you and oviously I cant come to you and tell you this, so I have to figure it out on my own. Maybe I should live out of my car I cant afford to live by myself but I need to do something.


P.S. Tell your whore-bag of a gf to stay the fuck away from me and stop commenting on my life I hate her and shes so ungrateful for everything.


Oh and P.S.S. One day you wont be walking me down the aisle.. Ill have someone who actually means something to me and trusts me walk me down. So you can wake up from that dream anytime now.

I have a stalker

I have a stalker.. and its kinda funny but kinda not cool.
Its annoying they are trying to break me and the boo up and its
seriously so high school they really need to grow up whoever
it is because who really does that?

NEW ADDICTION

Jo & Aly time shopping for peepee crotch. It was so much fun, and once we get older the four of us would be like sex & the city lol omg. And New addiction alert... Smallville... lame I know but I couldnt help it. lol and I got paid today, I have to give half my check to visa but thats okay lol and I have to start saving up money, because Im going to alberta with the boo hopefully to meet his family. Which is cute, and I am starting to become super booked up for this summer I should probably get a calendar and write it all down or I will forget. Anywho now Im just rambling.

XOXO Erica

I love you I love you I love you I love you

I wanna be the girl your scared too lose.
The one where you [can't] walk away from me
knowing im mad or upset with you.
The one who you cant fall asleep without
my voice being the last thing you hear.
The one you cant live WITHOUT.

wtf

I am who I am
Your approval isnt needed.

Rushing currents from 1 to 6

Is it normal to never be happy with whats going on around you?
Last night I had so much fun, and I just completley forgot about everything
and everyone. I just lived in the moment not worrying about yesterday
and not worrying about tomorrow, or next month, or even next year.
Like my life is by far not as bad as many, but I just seem so blah.
I feel like I have so much to do. But really I dont. I just need a better
way of doing it. I use to be so good at balancing everything, and then it
hit me. I've changed, but for a good but bad way. I know confusing, but its
true. I just feel like somewhere along the line I lost the part of me that
loves girls night, and girlie movies, and everything else inbetween. I
just feel so lost period. 6 months ago I would have been worrying about nothing
now I have so much to worry about ; school, living arrangements, driving, getting
my liscence, Boyfriend, friends, future, money, job, how to change things.
I just feel like Im getting wrapped up in everything and then I feel like Im
out and it pulls me back in kinda like a current. So I am making some goals for myself. I will put them in a list.

1. Figure out wtf my gparents want to do about car/living arrangements asap
2. Practice,practice,practice driving!
3. Possibly re-book test depending on what dad says.
4. Ask for more hours or leave job.
5. Take things one day at a time.
6. Try to enjoy life and do things that make me happy no matter what other
people say or think.

I am the walrus - coocoo cachou

So this weekend, was another eventful weekend. Friday night spent it with the boo
and sat woke up and had a wonderful breakfast. He then met Silly and her and I went shopping for a good 3 hours, only to forget Meesas gift. But anyways it was so much fun catching up with everyone and I lost my brand new shirt already, that I just bought but it has to be at shares, also I inquired $5 dollars along the way which
isnt bad, but someone has got to be missing it lol. And My pants is the best invention ever lol I love it. And I cant wait to keep hanging out with old friends and have good times.

Mapquest cant save me.

So seriously WTF. My grandparents are all over the fing map. One day they want me to move out with there help paying of course and the next they want me to stay at home and they are buying me a car. Every week they are changing there mind. And in the end I cant complain about either because they are both such greatful gestures. But its annoying that you tell me to look for one thing and by the time I find it, your over that idea and on too the next one. Seriously just choose one or the other stop confusing me.

P.S. Im working on Meesa's 19th bday gift she will be so happy but Im thinking she might be a little embarassed from it too lol. Anywho I will post pictures of it up here next week when I dont have to hide it from her.

Until then xoxo Erica

Weekend of 06/13 - 06/15

Partying with your friends and being around them with you let me in on your world just a little more. And Im glad they approve of me :) Cause if they didnt that would not be very good. lol seeing you drunk was so so so so so funny and I love you so much.